The harsh reality of rejection is settling in.
I have been struggling with this inescapable inclination to scream at the top of my lungs whenever I think about my future. Ever since I finished and submitted my graduate school applications, I have left my future at the hands of some decision committee. Clicking ‘submit’ sent multiple applications out into ephemerality. My biggest fear is that my application will never been seen by anyone because of my low GPA and mediocre GRE scores. I’m being slightly hyperbolic, but can you blame me? I don’t know what my future holds and it’s incredibly frightening. I can feel time passing by internalizing the minutes, hours, and days I have spent agonizing over graduate school. Today was one of the first times I really thought about rejection. Even uttering the words feels leaves a this vitriolic taste in my mouth. I’ve been trying to romanticize rejection as if it will allow me to experience something I didn’t anticipate or as a means of exploring myself before I make an attempt to advance my education or get a job. Nope. This is what I want, this is what I have been working toward for the past four years. Rejection is crushing me.
